Please Help Me Pick My New Content Creator Persona

I’ve decided to take one of the only reasonable and responsible paths forward in my working life and fully invest my time and energy into being a content creator.

Having been a parent chaperone at VidCon two years in a row, I know enough to know that to make the big big bucks I need two things: A catchy handle, and a hook that makes my content stand out.

Here’s my ideas so far, in the order of the order they’re in:

Handle: RFKwaaaazy

Hook: I take every piece of health advice RFKjr has ever given, only taking medicine, eating food, or engaging in activities that he has directly approved.

Handle: PizzaPupWars

Hook: I engage in pizza-eating contests against my dog, Berta.

Handle: ScamMe

Hook: I reply to every phone and email scam with every piece of personal information they ask for and film the results.

Handle: KatnissInCapitalism

Hook: Trapped in an Arena (my house), viewers watch me try to survive against the dangers of last-stage capitalism. The audience can contribute “sponsor gifts” like 1/30th of my health care premiums, Robux, or various tranquilizers.

Handle: YoureOnMute

Hook: Each video pictures me in a zoom-type meeting talking with mid-level enthusiasm while the chat fills up with other meeting attendees saying “you’re on mute” “mute” “need to unmute” until someone finally speaks up and says “ope, Tom, you’re still on mute.” Video ends.

Handle: UnprecedentedTimez

Hook: Constantly caught in the violent pendulum swings between hope and horror of the world at a time when everyone is working so beyond their capacity to barely manage their personal tragedies and emotional shitstorm that we struggle to lend each other even the small pieces of our energy and support that, in better times, we gave freely and so created powerful and resilient community; I simply stare blankly at the camera.